Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she peed on how many people?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize