And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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