i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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