You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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