I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize