My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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