drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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