chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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