Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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