you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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