I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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