The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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