Its about making memories worth repressing
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
did i just pee glitter
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
