So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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