There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
