Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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