Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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