Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
