took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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