so explain again why im purple
no
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
