Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
