I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
