Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
