Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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