My sheets look like a crime scene.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
