no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
