he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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