I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
