I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
