Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
