I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
