as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You're breaking my sexual little heart
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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