apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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