I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
