Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
