After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize