dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
