I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
