it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize