Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
