just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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