Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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