mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
