the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
