My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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