im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
