just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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