If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
