so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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