a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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