My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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