you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
