Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The air was thick with penises
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
