There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
