Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Congratulations! We have a period
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
