I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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