Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
