I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
