Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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