Pappa wants mamma naked
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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