I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
