Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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