I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
