During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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