Define "chronic" masturbator.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
