a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize