11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize