Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
