i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
