so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
