Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
