just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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