were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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