As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
