how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
