if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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