i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
