I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
