Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
