saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
