it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize