dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
