dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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