ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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