i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize