Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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