I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
