So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
