New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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