rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
