that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
