Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
