We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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