last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
