im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
