a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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