When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
