Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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